Coaching for Spiritual Self Care

What are you doing today to look after yourself? Is today just getting through the same busy, busy routine as usual?

I am going to ask a strange question now.

When did you last ‘touch the spirit’? When did your understanding of what life is about last open up and deepen with insight? Do you remember those times? The times that let you know life is meaningful and there is a deep purpose.

Or are you hurrying through the day and concerned that this article might suggest yet another burden to carry?

There are times when we are busy and just have to get on with it. There are also times when we are busy and we notice our internal warning lights are on. Those are times we need to pay attention or risk becoming ill or acting out when the overwhelm becomes too much. It’s not just about that. It’s not just a ‘health thing’.

If we are too busy, if we are not nurturing our selves, we are living at a lower level that we have the capacity for. It’s as if we were driving round in second gear, and so was nearly everyone else. Then occasionally we would see or hear about someone driving much faster than us and the people around us. “They must have been born lucky”, “They have different genes to you and me”, people would say.

But it wouldn't be true. They learned to change gear. They learned to ‘touch the spirit’ and in so doing their world became bigger and deeper. This is the purpose of spiritual self care. It’s not just about relaxation and stress management (although it can be when needed). It’s not just about learning new skills and gaining a competitive advantage (although it can be when needed). It is about opening and deepening our experience of what being alive is, because when we do that we know what is meaningful and we know what our purpose is and then we can begin to live from that insight.

When we can live from that insight more of the time, life flows because we are in resonance with our own deeper lives. So spiritual self care is about protecting and increasing our own energy levels so that we have enough power to change gear, to escape the atmosphere that pins us in our current experience of life.

Coaching for self care is something that ultimately we need to do for ourselves. This is why it fits so well into the coaching context because all good coaching is something we ultimately do for ourselves within the crucible of the coaching relationship.

Do you think it’s selfish to take care of yourself? Do you think it’s selfish to take care of yourself, first? Would it be selfish for a driver to change gear, stop the engine overrunning by changing gear? It releases more power to use and frees up the road! The more of a light you are, I am, we are, the more others can see too. Perhaps part of the answer to the insanity we find ourselves within is to shine more brightly

Self care has got two aspects: recovering and generating. Both are important but ultimately the more we generate our energy the less time we spend in recovery.

The same activities can be used in different ways to cultivate the kind and level of care we need at the time. For example, meditation is a very popular form of practice. There is an ever increasing amount of research to show the benefits of meditation and many people are taking on a meditation practice.

To begin with you have to learn what you are doing and follow the form that you have been taught. After a while you can begin to use the form for your own purposes. For example if your energy is very low, you can use meditation to just relax. Triggering the 'relaxation response' is a well established benefit of meditation. When your energy is low you can approach your practice with this in mind. When your energy is better, you can put energy into your meditation practice and both deepen and refine your concentration. This brings its own rewards and strengthens your mind which protects your energy level even more. Then when your energy and your life permit you can use meditation for spiritual development and transformation. This goes way beyond 'stress management'. It is the same practice applied towards different ends and you would only harm your energy level if you attempted to hone your concentration when you were over tired.

The example of meditation is just an example. We can approach any of the practices we choose for our lives with this sensitivity to our condition in mind. We need to go beyond the idea of fixing a situation with a 'pill'. For example if I am stressed, a pill would be to join a yoga class because yoga has been shown to be good for stress. That's the same as taking a pill, and it can work. A deeper level of understanding is to consider how we pick up the yoga practice. Do we rigidly take it as a discipline that we must do to combat our stress, or do we approach it with awareness and engage with sensitivity to our current state and our aims for the practice? The latter approach will be far more effective and you will emerge with far greater understanding of your chosen activity and enjoyment of it too.

Self care is an inside job. It also belongs to each one of us. It is not just about 'responsibility', it is just that no one else can care for yourself without lessening your ability to be yourself. Self care is not a luxury or only for a few, it is a normal part of everyone's daily life. Being aware of how you are and what you need to maintain and strengthen your balance is an insight we can check in with throughout the day. This does not mean following our feelings with no regard to external factors. It doesn't mean I don't go training because I don't happen to feel like it one evening.

It does mean that I take my energy levels into account and make decisions that will nurture my strength and state of mind (and there are very few worthwhile states of mind nurtured by laziness!)

Self care starts with realising that you have warning lights. It continues with recognising when they are on and learning how to correct what caused them to be activated. There is a certain insight and maturity that comes from investigating our own awareness and discovering what leads us to greater understanding, creativity and productivity whilst nurturing rather than draining our spirits and bodies.